Crushing Life

wait there is more

2011-06-15T00:27:00.000-04:00

despite a similar bday, I did not author this item:

2011-06-07T00:58:00.000-04:00

this lady is a goddam moron

2011-06-03T16:50:00.001-04:00

pardon me, so sorry to interupt

2011-06-02T05:59:00.000-04:00

war dogs getting ready to parachute into action

2011-05-26T16:40:00.001-04:00

I think the title of the post sums it pretty well:

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/05/04/war_dog?page=0,10

I don't even want a fuckin big mac man!!!!

2011-05-16T00:14:00.000-04:00

come on man

2011-05-16T00:11:00.001-04:00

EMBED-Roof Jump Stunt Gone Bad - Watch more free videos

Imma Win The Fuck Outta This Thing

2011-05-14T13:38:00.000-04:00

I dare you to only watch this once:

2011-04-06T20:37:00.001-04:00

I did not get this memo:

2011-04-04T21:58:00.002-04:00

via http://www.someecards.com/2011/04/03/bishops-agree-sex-abuse-rules-typo-newspaper:

Oh, my bus, B.

2011-04-04T21:53:00.001-04:00

Michaelangelo is a party dude

2011-04-03T23:13:00.001-04:00

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle - Click here for this week’s top video clips

America, F Yeah

2011-03-31T22:36:00.001-04:00

EMBED-Monster Truck Performs Backflip - Watch more free videos

Losing your cool

2011-03-06T22:26:00.000-05:00

Please pick a team name:

2011-01-19T19:17:00.001-05:00

Best Team Namesurvey software

we have liftoff

2010-06-03T14:59:00.000-04:00

Copa Mondial

2010-05-27T23:57:00.001-04:00

Kinda fired up for the World Cup business:

telephones are key

2010-04-13T16:49:00.001-04:00

Phonetourage from The Midnight Show

caution

2010-03-26T12:25:00.001-04:00

who is that, who is contemplating besting the football team from new orleans?

2010-01-25T23:09:00.001-05:00

Saints Video: Bourbon Street

the real Barksdale

2010-01-10T22:06:00.000-05:00

lamest. bday. ever. Lebron Edition

2010-01-04T23:11:00.003-05:00

One of my arch nemesis-es, for the sake of his privacy we'll refer to him only as 'LeBron J" actually has a fair amount in common with yours truly. We are both young, money makin players in the prime of our careers, getting stupid press and mad love from the media. OK, lets be slightly more realistic - we are both above average in height and both will not be playing for the Cavs next season.

However, we do have some key differences: LeBron can jump slightly higher while I can dance much better, observe:

Are you fucking kidding me? That has to be the lamest party of all time considering it is being attended by this supposed 'global icon' who makes over $17M in salary alone (plus some sizable endorsement cheddar).

I mean, I almost feel bad for the guy - he's fucking 25 and this is the party he gets?! Maybe he could have learned to throw a better rager if he attended college. Whoops.

live tweeting at its finest

2009-12-28T17:44:00.001-05:00

rainnwilson

Throwing bag away. All for now!about 2 hours ago from web
- Reply
- Retweet
rainnwilson
Deciding how to waste time next.about 2 hours ago from web
rainnwilson
Digesting.about 2 hours ago from web
rainnwilson
Reading 'Nutritional Facts'. Wow. Lots of fat and calories.about 2 hours ago from web
rainnwilson
Chewing on nuts and shit.about 2 hours ago from web
rainnwilson
Opening bag.about 2 hours ago from web
rainnwilson
I'm going to 'live-tweet' eating this bag of trail mix.

dudes actin like they street when they barely sidewalk

2009-12-20T20:32:00.000-05:00

Timmmmayyy!!

2009-12-20T17:08:00.002-05:00

im somewhat scared of hieghts, motherfucker

2009-12-15T07:09:00.001-05:00

Refreshing departure from rappers telling me how extremely talented and wealthy they are:

that right, put in work

2009-12-09T22:47:00.003-05:00

Apparently we are in a recession which means unemployment is really fucking high (unless you are a white college educated male) but the fact that these folks have jobs is odd to me - those looking for work should be able to supplant this assholes:

auto tune is not going quietly

2009-12-09T22:37:00.000-05:00

shouldnt've been standin there

2009-12-07T23:25:00.001-05:00

captain chaos is a generous soul

2009-12-06T11:17:00.000-05:00

goin straight to the top

2009-12-05T11:47:00.000-05:00

probably should be drafting this kid next year

2009-11-26T16:31:00.000-05:00

best ballads of all time

2009-11-24T07:58:00.003-05:00

Quick Debate with the roommates this AM; here my list (no order):

Seal - Kiss from a Rose

En Vogue - Don't Let Go

Styx - Lady

Sister Christian - Night Ranger

REO Speedwagon - Keep on Lovin You

prexisting conditions

2009-11-24T07:33:00.002-05:00

Lots of squawking in the DMV these days about health care reform; I admittedly haven't followed the debate as much as I should as it looks like the AARP will have me and my generation bearing the brunt of the cost for the next infinity years.

I have heard lots of talk about pre-existing conditions. I had a pre-existing condition when I was a 16 year old driver - I lacked driving experience (not my fault!) and I paid for this pre-existing condition in the form of ungodly insurance premiums (even for being a dude! Also not my fault).

Apparently these, lets get nuts and call them 'risk factors' made it more likely that I would cost my insurance provider money by making a costly claim. Apparently these greedy capitalist pigs operate under some sort of strange and totally unfair system where customers more likely to cost more money actually have to pay more for this insurance product they have to buy (by law).

Since I and other 16 year old drivers will, over the long term, cost more to be insured; why can't we be subsidized by older, safe drivers? Like the way a healthy 26 year old subsidizes old unhealthy people?

This is probably a bad analogy but thats what bloggers do - we twist the facts and get people to yell at each other!

about that $800 Billion loan, um, yeah

2009-11-24T03:15:00.001-05:00

Been out of the blog for a minute but we'll be slowly ramping up again around this bitch. We like to jump back in with a beast ass foreign policy analysis from SNL (yes, the show has fallen off a huge cliff in the last decade but still very occasionally has it moments:

thats how you move shoes

2009-11-06T09:36:00.001-05:00

drunk foreigner is on to something

2009-11-05T20:15:00.001-05:00

keep ya head up

2009-11-01T21:57:00.001-05:00

yes. that was a lie. i was assuming you hadn't read it.

2009-10-29T15:32:00.000-04:00

Straight Talk - Stock Market
Uploaded by senatork. - Sitcom, sketch, and standup comedy videos.

are you ready for some mismanagement!?!?!

2009-10-26T18:14:00.002-04:00

Remember when we had Sean Taylor alive, a Hall of Famer on the sideline and Chris Samuels leading the way for perennial pro-bowler? Those were the days.

this jerky is OK, but it doesn't make me jittery enough

2009-10-26T13:43:00.003-04:00

Since the dawn of time, man has sought to combine stimulants with well, everything. From the coca leaves included in CocaCola to Sparks Energy Drink, folks have always been looking for ways to get up to get down. This brings us to the latest incarnation of this age old quest: PerkyJerky

"Perky Jerky caffeinated beef jerky is the world’s first performance enhancing meat snack. Put simply, we’ve combined the most tender and flavorful beef jerky, with an extra dose of energy (caffeine, from the Guarana we add) to provide a jerky experience you won’t find anywhere else.

Whether you love it because it’s the best tasting jerky around, or because it provides a nice little pick-me-up (similar to coffee or energy drinks), you’re not alone. You’ll find addicts in both camps"

Looks like someone

2009-10-26T11:41:00.002-04:00

has a case of the Mondays!

fighter of the nightman

2009-10-22T16:38:00.000-04:00

1721 is getting pumped for Halloween, son!

its about time

2009-10-20T21:53:00.002-04:00

It the age old conflict of hipsters v. bros, I think I have made it abundantly clear where I stand. If you are still wondering, jump off a bridge for being a moron (or not reading this bitchin blog like a bawse).

Hipsters are an ironic sort. Not that in they are actually in any way cleverly ironic in their obvious tastes for non-mainstream sunglasses, beverages and bars but ironic in that their desire to collectively praise the pursuit of irony so blindingly that they themselves have become the very trend following sheep that they profess to pity.

One such seemingly ironic taste that they have ubiquitously embraced is that of the formerly blue collar Pabst Blue Ribbon. Apparently hipsters have realized that everyone doing the same thing is no longer in the spirit of the counter culture rebellious irony. Dagger.

well this is awkward

2009-10-20T14:56:00.004-04:00

Here is the Nation's Capital we are treated to wild stunts - like your occasional fake press conference. In your face, everyone involved!

shorty got low

2009-10-14T20:50:00.002-04:00

The CL travel department is jumping off to NOLA tommorrow so there will likely be a dearth of beast ass post for the next couple days. Dagger. For you.

Now watch my man break it down:

preach it Riggo!

2009-10-13T23:52:00.001-04:00

Here is Hall of Fame Redskins tailback John Riggins speaking truth to power:

does wayne brady have to choke a bitch? yes, yes he does.

2009-10-13T15:11:00.003-04:00

This type of conflict almost never occurs in my 4,600 lb coupe that gets 19 mpg. In your face Sierra Club!

[HT: Sheel]

let me borrow $1.5B so I can buy this team

2009-10-10T17:32:00.004-04:00

This will not come as news to any Skins fan but good god is the Danny a socipathic douche bag. After 10 years on the job its like its his first fucking day (borrowed from one of the following excellent articles):

Read Drew first. Then Sally.

He bans free speech (he's a little bitch who can't take well deserved criticism from those who have paid for a right to express themselves).

ima die wit my finger on the trigger

2009-10-09T22:19:00.001-04:00

the next big thing

2009-10-07T08:47:00.001-04:00

rando new band: The Gossip

2009-10-06T20:31:00.000-04:00

free beats

2009-10-04T23:25:00.001-04:00

who you gonna call?

2009-10-01T23:02:00.001-04:00

how abooot some hockey, eh?

2009-10-01T13:46:00.003-04:00

Hockey season starts up today which is nice because as a native Washingtonian, our hockey franchise is the only one that is not currently making me the subject of pity and ridicule. Go Caps! Let's go ahead and get fired up with arguably the best pre-game intro video the world has ever known (if you guessed that its from the University of Alaska Fairbank's hockey team, please get out more; via WithLeather):

I immediately regret this decision.

2009-10-01T08:21:00.002-04:00

Got some new ink today - Hey everybody, come see how good I look!

mad deep an shit

2009-09-30T22:35:00.001-04:00

Jack Handey has been thinking:

Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First, take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled-up napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.

I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

im keepin the faith

2009-09-22T22:32:00.001-04:00

Get your hump day started riiiiiight w/ a bit of De La:

awkard fb moments #2331

2009-09-22T11:32:00.002-04:00

ladies do not drop the term fugly enough, it needs a renaissance.

mr geithner, little help?

2009-09-22T11:07:00.001-04:00

I know reading about marginal tax rates can bore most folks, but you'd do well to know how the government is going to be boning the shit out of our entire generation for the foreseeable future. Hope all those new sidewalks are worth it!

getting tough

2009-09-22T09:40:00.002-04:00

Tommy Friedman talks about the the ol USA getting tough. You know by making smart sacrafices, not stupid ones.

[HT: magoo]

cry me a river

2009-09-21T22:17:00.001-04:00

Yes! Yes! Oh let me taste your tears, Tony Romo! Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mmm-yummy! Mmm-yummy!

-Cartman

oh yeah, this spot hot!

2009-09-20T21:29:00.000-04:00

kers

in not makin any deals

2009-09-19T06:36:00.001-04:00

This has likely made the round a bit per the number of views on YouTube but like a dog massacring, inaccurate quaterback, you should give it a second chance:

shocking news: gassy old white guy is racist as shit

2009-09-18T06:49:00.002-04:00

Personal politics aside, I hope we all can agree that this pill popping douche bag should have shut the fuck up while ago. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little when I consider that morons still listen to him (full article):

Limbaugh said: “I think the guy’s wrong. I think not only it was racism, it was justifiable racism. I mean, that’s the lesson we’re being taught here today. Kid shouldn’t have been on the bus anyway. We need segregated buses — it was invading space and stuff

this is straight hip hop

2009-09-15T23:49:00.000-04:00

day by day

2009-09-15T23:28:00.001-04:00

we must protect this garage

2009-09-15T12:48:00.001-04:00

If you going to be doing any B&E in the near future, I think it best to avoid any houses that have armed themselves with swords. Shit might get real (via the bmore sun):

"A Johns Hopkins University student armed with a samurai sword killed a man who broke into the garage of his off-campus residence early Tuesday, a Baltimore police spokesman said."

[HT: Magoo & Toma$]

just beat it

2009-09-14T23:44:00.000-04:00

hate hate hate

2009-09-14T11:33:00.003-04:00

Monday mornings after watch DeAngelo Hall get abused are tough. Our super smart QB really fought his guts out*. To help ease the pain, let's hate on some bammas:

Bonehead Ben

*Joe Gibbs speak

just give up

2009-09-14T09:07:00.001-04:00

i know you wanna hit that

2009-09-14T00:05:00.002-04:00

Hunter Smith Fake Field Goal Touchdown Video | The News is NowPublic.com

2009-09-14T00:02:00.000-04:00

Hunter Smith Fake Field Goal Touchdown Video | The News is NowPublic.com

this note is mad eloquent and shit

2009-09-13T22:00:00.000-04:00

finally

2009-09-07T10:01:00.001-04:00

Fucking links not working, mad annoying. Peep this bad boy!

Bang bang, I hit the ground

2009-09-04T11:22:00.002-04:00

This is what happens when you cause a minor inconvenience to an authority figure in the South. Regardless if you yourself are an actual authority figure, you will be shot. Right there, in a municipal building if need be.

"Fire Chief Don Payne didn't hesitate to tell the judge what he thought of the police and their speed traps.

The response from cops? They shot him. Right there in court."

run run run jump!

2009-09-03T14:09:00.001-04:00

So guess who's not going to get any work done the rest of today? YOU. That's who.

welcome back, george michael

2009-09-03T09:01:00.002-04:00

So it looks like all those wishy washy hipsters have decided to turn their backs on their now former poster boy, Michael Cera. This is great news for me since I hate hipsters and now I may resume enjoying Mr Cera's unique brand of awkward comedy. As you were:

monday funday

2009-08-31T14:15:00.002-04:00

In my line of work, Monday's are the tits - I roll in and immediately set the tone for how I plan to crush the remainder of the week. Also, my body has learned not to fuck with me by allowing me respite from the normal condition know as "hungover" as it has long since learned that I will not respect it, no matter the consequences.

[HT: Magoo]

saddle up

2009-08-29T06:19:00.002-04:00

My astute readers checking timestamps down there will note that I have lost the ability to sleep in; lucky for you I have not yet lost the ability to post 'ilarious videos of fat people falling:

bamma of the week - rhymes with re-angelo

2009-08-28T20:45:00.004-04:00

Tonight all my fellow Skins fas get treated to our typical Sunday - JC and Sanatana fucking shit up b/c they're both money as shit and one over priced free agent looking like a total bust.

Look no further than some well written (full disclosure - I'm an awesome writer) previous posts explaining the career of one DeAngelo Hall. This total loser is earning $23M by letting other guys run by him, around him and basically make him look like the huge bust that he is. From the 2009 Football Outsiders almanac:

In Oakland, Hall had to defend against some of the best quarterbacks in the league, including Jay Cutler, Drew Brees, Philip Rivers, and Matt Ryan. Hall’s four starts for Washington came against Joe Flacco, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Donovan McNabb, and Shaun Hill. Alert readers will remember former Redskins cornerback Walt Harris’ “career year” for the 49ers in 2006. Harris grabbed eight interceptions in that year — including two from Raiders backup Marques Tuiasosopo, two from Seahawks backup Seneca Wallace, one from Jake Plummer (on his way out in Denver), and one from Cutler (embryonic version). Moral of the story: When defensive backs enjoy massive spikes in performance, look at the quarterbacks.

Also, please spare the "but he's defending Randy Moss tonight! Moss is soooo fast!" Please keep in mind that Mr Hall ran a fucking 4.15 40 yd dash and is a full 8 years younger than Randy. Its not that DeAngelo doesnt have speed (he used to be insanely fast in fact) its that he sucks at playing football, and is a huge bitch.

thats enough, shut it down

2009-08-27T08:09:00.003-04:00

Sometimes you have to close up shop and move on. Especially if your building is infested with crack ho's according to the Department of Health, apparently (click for larger view).

wait, so monopolies are, like, bad?

2009-08-26T21:48:00.003-04:00

The short answer for anyone who has to pass econ 101 is that monopolisitic competition leads to marginal inefficientcies because the monopolistic firm produces at an output where average total cost is not a minimum. A monopolistically competitive market is a marginally inefficient market structure because marginal cost is less than price in the long run.

So basically, Tickmaster and LiveNation are boning you. Hard.

women be shoppinnnn

2009-08-25T16:31:00.001-04:00

can i kick it / yes you can

2009-08-25T13:22:00.001-04:00

beer me a sweet combo

2009-08-23T18:53:00.002-04:00

So this exists:

"This arcade game-styled machine features a fully functioning kegerator in its belly, with room for a 5 gallon keg kept cool by a solid-state thermoelectric cooling system. In addition, it sports a gaming-ready PC, pre-loaded with 69 games such as Asteroids, Mortal Kombat II, and1942. "

do you see what happens Larry?

2009-08-20T22:16:00.001-04:00

Here's a good way to get your ass beat: insult a former NFL player to his face AFTER he threatens you.

Jim Rome, show us how its done:

keeper

2009-08-20T13:45:00.002-04:00

Its a shame for this chick that my Tulane days have convinced me that coked out Long Island girls with eating disorders are a bad choice.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

gayfish

2009-08-20T12:40:00.004-04:00

Up here in the baller ass auto department of the CL, it has come to our attention that one Kanye West has taken to joaning on sublime Swedish engineered automobiles in his latest soon to be over played new track. Like any catchy tune, Mr West co-co-co-produced this with 7 other dudes and only has a quick verse so as to let actually talent folks do most of the vocals. Keep in mind he has excellent taste as he boned this chick(?) on the right.

eat up

2009-08-20T11:09:00.002-04:00

So this happened. I thinks its a good lesson for kids to learn early on - don't bite huge ass snakes. Your actions *may* have consequences.

so basically, sit your dumb ass down

2009-08-19T07:16:00.002-04:00

I'm not a huge Barney Frank fan by any means, but you gotta respect a politician who drops the PC bs once in a while to take the gloves off and put a moron in their place.

motherfucker

2009-08-18T00:31:00.003-04:00

So if you're like me, you came into existance through some lady's vagine. And the dude who knocked said lady up played a part as well (mad gross!). Anyway, said persons may or may not have joined facebook. Total dagger I know - but all the crazy shit on there about you, even your lame ass beer bong pics will not likely surprise them assuming your 'rents are not giant retards/blissfully ignorant/innocently naive. When they hear from their man Andy Rooney about this "new" website (the fb) you are basically boned. Unless you refuse their inevitable friend request, which will not cause awkardness until at least Thanksgiving. In any case, use this bitch to mock those who have the audacity to give us life AND try to reach out to us in our self selected medium of choice. Jebus.

remember when . . . the Playmaker tried to kill someone?

2009-08-17T17:26:00.004-04:00

Part I of a new long running NFL preview series:

As a passionate Redskins fan, I hate the fucking shit out of the weak ass Cowboys. As a law abiding US taxpayer, I hate crackheads who try to kill people with scissors. Thus, I am not too fond of that ass clown that was fired from ESPN awhile back.

Also, folks should know that my man Colt was a little off in his preseason debut only because he has picked up a horrible habit for an NFL QB - boning Jessica Simpson. Luckily we are not relying on Mr Brennan for our playoff success. Yet.

Wow that is some good ass hating. Lets continue:

They currently employ a scrub who is best known for being functionally illiterate and racist.

Wade Phillips has man boobs and is 0-4 in the playoffs.

The Cowboys last won a playoff game when Tony Romo was 16 years old. I think that makes him about 47 at the start of this season.

blog o the week

2009-08-17T14:54:00.002-04:00

I discovered this bad boy a couple weeks ago, but as many loyal readers have pointed out, things are running a little sllllooowwwly on the CL these days as our executive committee continues to crush summer.

Enjoy these Emails from an Asshole.

listen up

2009-08-16T11:33:00.001-04:00

This has been making the rounds for a hot minute but if you haven't seen it check the the rhyme:

get up

2009-08-15T12:15:00.000-04:00

infinite wisdom from FJM

2009-08-14T17:03:00.004-04:00

My favorite sports blog of all time FireJoeMorgan was penned by a few extremely talented individuals including one Ken Tremendous (who also plays Mose Schrute on the Office btw).

He recently had the following to say about the much yelled about "DEATH PANELS!!!":

KenTremendous
One guy on my Death Panel thought it was funny to talk like Darth Vader the whole time. I was like, dude, I get it, you're on a Death Panel.
about 1 hour ago from web

KenTremendous
Not one Hispanic on my Death Panel. When are we going to have Death Panels that look like America?!
about 2 hours ago from web

KenTremendous
Death Panel members rush into the Death Panel Chamber to cool music and laser light show, like the Bulls of the mid-90's. Very impressive.

yeah, but football to the groin had a football in the groin!

2009-08-14T09:00:00.001-04:00

we got a problem

2009-08-12T23:20:00.001-04:00

Now THAT is a tough neighborhood, homes.

first prop joe, now this

2009-08-05T12:07:00.002-04:00

Cheese Wagstaff is at it again, just poppin off for the sake of poppin off. Tical recently had a run-in with a (presumably now former) fan down in H-Town. Meth got all up in that ass with his . . . pellet gun?!?! Weak.

Says the victim's counsel:

"You can't just go around the country shooting people like that," says Horowitz, "and then leave town and not think anything's going to happen."

Listen, I've lived in not one but two murder capitals of the US (the 504 and the 202) so you know I been up on that gangsta shit. Plus I play mad tennis and golf, so I'm extra gangsta. I can tell you, shooting a fan with a fucking pellet gun at an autograph signing is not G. But Redman's house is.

Yeah, my man Slim Charles is gonna have to handle this.