i could rob these mutha fuckas

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

uh, best park ever?

In the real estate development game, one of the sweet perks is that I get to name properties that will be around for generations to come (hopefully!). Its one of the small perks that allows one to leave their creative mark on a community.

straight domination

I would like to thank the Washington Capitals players for really hooking it up on Sunday. While it was a beautiful sunny day outside, I was stuck in my basement having to watch playoff hockey (game 6 no less). Fortunately for me, the Caps decided to dominate the shit out of the whiny Rangers and go up 5-1 in the 2nd period. This allowed me the confidence to shut the game off and enjoy the weather. Special thanks to my man Victor Koslov who put on a show.

sick headstone

Mr. Allison was likely a shit load more badass than you are. If that doesn't depress you, just remember this.

Happy Monday!

auto-tune the news

These dudes have unlocked T-Pain's secret for creating awesomeness - use an auto-tuner and say 'shortaaaay' a lot. Like, unnecessarily often.

what is this "texting" all the kids are talking about?

So I'm assuming that most of you check in on one of my favorite websites, Fuck My Life every now and then and if you don't you should.

Anyway I wanted to beat everyone (mostly just my bitter rival you know who you are) to this bad boy:

textfromlastnight

Check it out, it ranks strong to very strong on the CL updated ratings scale.

take luck!

"Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling." - Jack Handey

get your own

This is why you need your own cellphone:

"girl: Hi mom, we’re on our way to dinner with some friends. I just wanted to let you know that my phone is almost dead, so if you can’t get ahold of me on it later, don’t worry.

mom: What, who is we? Why isn’t it charged?

girl: We is me and [my husband], so if you need me, call me on his.

mom: Well that makes it a little bit better. I thought that maybe you were out with random friends.

girl: Still though, I could always borrow their phones if I needed to. It’s not a big deal.

mom: ….Well ya, but if you get thrown into a trunk later tonight, wouldn’t it just be nicer to have your own phone?"

st0p 1t!

look at this fucking hipster

Since I used to live a 'gentrifying' area of this fair city, I know too well about these hipster types.

Check out this beast blog that rags on these bozos. It uses there own witty irony against them! Brilliant!

daily links

Not sure if this is gonna become a regular feature or not but here are the day's best articles sent in by the CL econ dept:

Excellent in-depth review of the new documentary The End of Poverty. Doesn't sound like they do the complex issue any justice.

Might be some light at the end of the tunnel in the real estate game (good news for this guy!) check the rhyme. Don't sleep on walkable urbanism, aka the new black.

say cheese

Today's mugshot comes to us from lovely Suffolk County, Long Island. From TSG:

APRIL 21--Meet Nicole Marty. The 25-year-old Long Island woman was allegedly high on drugs Sunday night when she crashed her car into a utility pole at about 10:30 PM. The accident injured Marty's nine-year-old daughter. Marty, pictured in the below Suffolk County Police Department mug shot, was charged with criminal possession of a controlled substance and endangering the welfare of a child. Additionally (and not surprisingly), the affable Marty also racked up a harassment rap after she injured a cop who had the unenviable task of guarding her at a Bay Shore hospital. (1 page)

[HT: the gay mafia]

turtle power

That's how you fucking groom a poodle (pause)!

you sir, are unbelievable

Sweet Marky Mark impersonation followed by threats from Marky Mark.

heady video

Today's heady video features the classic Wolf v Pig conflict with surprise ending. Enjoy.

former pro wrestler, possibly unstable???

I know, its sounds shocking, but apparently former wrestler Hulk Hogan is fucking nuts as he recently empathized with OJ in a Rolling Stone interview.

Who would have thought that someone who spent 30 years playing a roided-up-ragoholic would turn out maladjusted?

Weird.

fuck your business card

Yo! You fuckers probably thought that I was about to go a whole fucking day without posting shit. Not so! Instead how about you sit back and enjoy THE BEST POST OF ALL TIME. Are you fucking ready? Trick question, because there is no fucking way you are ready for this shit.

Bam!

"I'm passin out"

Since I'm gonna go out on a limb an assume that most CL readers don't get too much Fox News in their diets, you all may have missed this:

best legal defense ever

The award for greatest legal mind of our generation goes to . . . .

Woody Harrelson!

Woody was recently accused of allegedly assaulting some folks with cameras (leave Woody alone!!!). Using his rapist wit, he crafted a brilliant legal defense by claiming that he thought they were zombies.

In other news, Woody Harrelson smokes waaaaay too much weed.

keep it real this easter

At the CL we will be taking some time off to paint eggs and eat peeps for the Easter holiday. We'd like to leave you with a dude who has overcome some long odds (like my man rising from the dead and all); enjoy:

everybody wang chung tonight

Apparently this old lady in Texas has trouble with Asian names. This normally wouldn't be much of an issue except in this case she is unfortunately an elected representative and would like to legislate her frustrations away.

I would like to pass a law that old crazy ignorant ladies should not be elected, any takers? For all you naysayers I have two strong words for you: Come on!

gay fish

Sick new Kanye song (via Southpark):

the hangover

New movie with strong cast (including the nard-dog):


[HT: Goldo]

murray hill

If you read this blog, you might actually be living this music video:


[HT: CL Dominican bureau aka Shitty Whitty]

new ish

get up on this, before you miss the boat:

like a bawse

This clip goes out to my man (pause) NRL (who to my knowledge has never worked in law enforcement):

there some O's in this house

The Birds took care of business today against the number one bamma squad in all of baseball, the hated Yankees. One Adam Jones (no relation to the unemployed former Cowboy) did his thing, with a triple, double, single and two bases on balls. Ballin.


[incidentally, the incredibly clever headline that you see above is a reference to this song, which you would know, if you were really fucking sweet].

Kodak Moment

Nice pic of the kids here:

[HT: CL Beijing Bureau aka Sizzlin]

you're fucking out, im fucking in

look the fuck out!

still room on Caps bandwagon

Caught a thrilling 5-3 victory down at the Phonebooth last night where Mike Green broke a couple records. Know who likes Mike Green? This guy. Like him, I enjoy Capitals hockey in Chinatown AND heavy drinking. Like two peas in pod, we are.

awkward high five

[HT: WithLeather]

it wouldnt be april fools day without a boner joke

This is from some show with some gymnast and her dancing partner, who is happy to be dancing with her, evidently.

fuck nerds

This is why nerds get beat up: they use their fancy technology powers to fool me into thinking (nay, dreaming) that a product such as the below reference "Squeez Bacon" may actually exist.

I will be taking the rest of the day of to give these fuckers swirlies in the girls bathroom.

Carry on.

please god let this be real