Wednesday, September 30, 2009

mad deep an shit

Jack Handey has been thinking:


Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First, take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled-up napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.

I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

im keepin the faith

Get your hump day started riiiiiight w/ a bit of De La:

awkard fb moments #2331


ladies do not drop the term fugly enough, it needs a renaissance.

mr geithner, little help?

I know reading about marginal tax rates can bore most folks, but you'd do well to know how the government is going to be boning the shit out of our entire generation for the foreseeable future. Hope all those new sidewalks are worth it!

getting tough

Tommy Friedman talks about the the ol USA getting tough. You know by making smart sacrafices, not stupid ones.

[HT: magoo]

Monday, September 21, 2009

cry me a river

Yes! Yes! Oh let me taste your tears, Tony Romo! Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mmm-yummy! Mmm-yummy!

-Cartman

Saturday, September 19, 2009

in not makin any deals

This has likely made the round a bit per the number of views on YouTube but like a dog massacring, inaccurate quaterback, you should give it a second chance:

Friday, September 18, 2009

shocking news: gassy old white guy is racist as shit

Personal politics aside, I hope we all can agree that this pill popping douche bag should have shut the fuck up while ago. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little when I consider that morons still listen to him (full article):

Limbaugh said: “I think the guy’s wrong. I think not only it was racism, it was justifiable racism. I mean, that’s the lesson we’re being taught here today. Kid shouldn’t have been on the bus anyway. We need segregated buses — it was invading space and stuff

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

this is straight hip hop

day by day

we must protect this garage

If you going to be doing any B&E in the near future, I think it best to avoid any houses that have armed themselves with swords. Shit might get real (via the bmore sun):

"A Johns Hopkins University student armed with a samurai sword killed a man who broke into the garage of his off-campus residence early Tuesday, a Baltimore police spokesman said."

[HT: Magoo & Toma$]

Monday, September 7, 2009

finally

Fucking links not working, mad annoying. Peep this bad boy!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Bang bang, I hit the ground

This is what happens when you cause a minor inconvenience to an authority figure in the South. Regardless if you yourself are an actual authority figure, you will be shot. Right there, in a municipal building if need be.

"Fire Chief Don Payne didn't hesitate to tell the judge what he thought of the police and their speed traps.

The response from cops? They shot him. Right there in court."

Thursday, September 3, 2009

run run run jump!

So guess who's not going to get any work done the rest of today? YOU. That's who.

welcome back, george michael

So it looks like all those wishy washy hipsters have decided to turn their backs on their now former poster boy, Michael Cera. This is great news for me since I hate hipsters and now I may resume enjoying Mr Cera's unique brand of awkward comedy. As you were: