drinkin outta cups, bein a bitch

yeah this is three years old and 3 million people have seen it; but its still money as shit:

off my lawn!

db item of the day

http://www.douchebagnamegenerator.com/

You won't check this website.

yo! I'm in do-we

And we are back from a very strong showing in my favorite beach town in America, one Dewey Beach, USA. God that place is fucking money. Anyway we bumped into unusually tall SportsCenter anchor one Scott Van Pelt (I call him SVP cause I don't have all day to phonetically pronounce long ass names). It came to my attention that some folks have not heard his baller ass voicemail that he left some chick he met there one time. OK that doesn't sound so awesome but just listen its fucking hilarious: mid-level celebrities are just like you! They also have weak ass game.

what is greed?

Kinda strange how Nobel prize winner Milton Friedman is much more articulate than I'll ever be describing my own political philosophy. Weird.

nice moves there, bozo(s)!

So recently you may have heard that a great many people 'witnessed' [ed note: sick* pun, right?] Mr James getting dunked on. Some entrepenurial little fellow did too and sold the video to TMZ for mad ducats.

Well good news everyone - I also bought the video. It cost me 2 minutes of not being a retard and also $0.00. That's in your face, TMZ. Face. Also in LeBron's face. Really, this is a sick post since two corporate entities I dislike are getting total facial LaFleurs. Via the same fucking video! What a bunch a douches!

*additional ed note: not sick a pun, that was sarcastic, dick

smoooooootttt

Best email of the Day from my good frirend Fred Smoot:

"Fred became a fan of Fred Smoot on Facebook and suggested you become a fan too.

To see more details and confirm this invitation, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?pages/Fred-Smoot/125839442649&mid=cf5d3cG2ac300G13ac5fdG4c

Thanks,
The Facebook Team"

I have to admit, I like Fred for occasionally stopping the run, but his conduct off the field is really what wins him the hearts of football fans (below is from the infamous Love Boat Scandal when Mr Smoot succumbed to the temptations that are Lake Minneontoka):

Fred Smoot: Indecent conduct, disorderly conduct, and lewd or lascivious conduct for allegedly holding a double-headed dildo and inserting it into the vaginas for two women who were laying on the floor in the lounge area. After one woman left he continued to "manipulate the dildo" inside the other woman in front of the young crew.

i notivced that mike weston happened to get burned

Via WWTDD:

Burn Notice star Jeffrey Donovan was arrested for a DUI on July 11 after he crashed into a Miami Beach Police Cruiser on July 11 around 11:50 pm. He refused a breath test.
“I really think I’m only borderline and not too drunk – the only mistake I made tonight was to drink Benadryl with three glasses of wine,” Donovan said on the way to the police station.
(Donovan told the arresting officer), “Sorry I didn’t see the red light or your car.”

I’m not technically a lawyer, but I don’t think the best way to explain away why you appeared drunk is by telling the cop how you got drunk. It would be like if your girlfriend thought you were cheating, and you told her, “The mistake I made was putting my penis inside that girls vagina, and then thrusting my hips back and forth. But ‘cheating?’ No. No absolutely not. You sound ridiculous right now.”

Well played, other writer. Well played.

the real JC

Its mid July which means bros across the country are starting to think and talk about football, as we all have big plans for sweet drafts coming in August. Some my out of town bros always ask me what I think of my beast ass QB, the one and only Jason Campbell. This is what I think of him:

just bro-in' it the fuck out, bro

And we have a winner: best fucking-non-CL-blog ever:

http://www.broslikethissite.com/2009/06/40-getting-kicked-out.html

" As angry as a bro might get, he is equally proud the next morning when he is able to tell everyone that he got kicked out. Anytime you are too drunk and out of control to the point where you are not allowed to be somewhere is what being a bro is all about. Additionally, bro points can be earned by forcing multiple bouncers to escort you out, being banned from the establishment for life, and most importantly, the more ridiculous the place you are kicked out of the more bro points you earn."

I know we have haven't had many posts in the last few days but wow, did the CL bounce back with a vengenance.

You're welcome.

Little Ham 'n Eggs comin' at ya, hold on people hope ya got your griddles...

12-0, good game

slam! duh da duh

My typical Friday afternoon convo:

homie #1: yo, whats good tonight boss?

me: aight shit. just gonna slam dunk some hoes, maybe eat a sandwich.

For my Lebanese readers: Kwame SLAM!!!

large wolf > any other shirt graphic

This is my new main man Shawn Hamilton. We are totally gonna rob your ass soon, so buy some nice shit.

KP is subtle as shit

via Kenny Powers Twitter:

"In '03 I teamed with Hallmark to create a greeting card that works for every fucking occasion"

so . . . I'm not allowed in the tower?

yeah that kinda sums it up

The Capital of the World described quite eloquently:

DC is in a unique and critical world spotlight right now and it’s important that we communicate to the creatropesphere that we are not a prudish and over-critical tribe of frumpy nerds who would rather blog than do jelloshots like everyone thinks but that we’re really a fun collection of tuned-in early-adopters who are brimming with possibility and idealism and actually we LIKE trivia and adult foosball league and we’d totally be doing those things even if we were in healthy and unadulterous relationships rather than single drinking alone staring every night at the flickering squares of our receding youth.

[via BYT]

TMNT

Via Craigslist:

"I am looking to hire someone with the means to obtain and stuff animals in fashions I choose, which will be Kung Fu for now. When I was younger I convinced a friend of mines dad to create two squirrels Kung Fu fighting. I still think about it from time to time and have decided to get my own Kung Fu animals, I understand this is a bizarre request. Serious inquiries only, please E-Mail me the species of animals you commonly hunt or can obtain and your rate for taxidermy of each in various Kung Fu poses. Mounting preferred. Once again I feel I must state this is serious. If you can show any of your previous work it will probably give you an edge on the competition. Please respond via/e-mail. Thank you."

the only non lame cat

Sorry but I fucking hate cats. Dogs are so much more awesome in every conceivable way. If you like cats, you definitely also like dudes.

Alas, being an opened minded blogger, I think I have gotten over my dislike for this lame ass species long enough to locate the one and only cool cat on the interwebs (not that one, hes maaaad played out by now).

[Ed note: A Liger is not actually a cat, its a sick ass tattoo that shows everyone how sweet you are at decision making]

vacation time

Wow we almost went a whole fucking week with no bithcing CL posts? How did you people not jump off a bridge or something? Anyway, yours truly was rocking the sickest mullet a preppy former ibanker will ever have down in Carolina Beach.

Sadly, since my day job doesn't have the same appreciation for bitchin mullets (and the accompanying daytime binge drinking), my beast mullet is no more. Hopefully all my readers out there celebrated America kicking the shit out of the world by boozing, grilling and playing with explosives. Bonus points if you broke mad laws and shit. If anyone amongst your squad was sober enough to take pictures, I hope they can rival the sheer power of the following family vacation pictorial:

dearest d-bags

I have to admit that I'm kind of ashamed* that I once thought this show was entertaining (Jermey Piven talks fast and is a huge dick! and they smoke and curse and show boobs since its HBO, woo!). Unfortunately, Entourage keeps replaying the same tired situations and story lines simply because their fans are retarded.

Here is a recent letter sent from the cast and crew [via Videogum]

"Dear Entourage fans,

The cast and crew at Entourage would like you to know that we will never stop regurgitating lukewarm rehashes of the first season of our show. Here we are, five years later, and everything is exactly the same. "No it's not, Turtle has a girlfriend." Sure. Keep telling yourself that. The fact of the matter is that we don't have the courage or the creativity to take this show anywhere even remotely meaningful, or even just interesting, and so we will continue to blast your face with colorful pool parties and the ever elusive promise of casual sex. More importantly, we don't have the respect for you, the viewer, to offer you something new or compelling. What we do have is complete faith in your inability to actively discern between good and bad entertainment, and if the checks keep rolling in then why would we stop? Ever? We will keep pretending like Vince is ever on the verge of superstardom with absolutely no dramatic stakes or emotional investment for the rest of human history. The Earth's sun will implode and send down a fiery darkness of unimaginable hell eliminating all life as we know it in a supernuclear Apocalypse before we take this show in a single new direction. Your great-great-great-grandchildren will be futuresitting around drinking spacebeer on their hoverchairs and wondering whether Johnny Drama will ever escape from his more famous brother's shadow or if E can really be serious in a relationship long after your buried body has desiccated and collapsed and returned to the dust from which you came.

Fuck you forever,
Entourage."

*I think its pretty clear at this point that I am incapable of feeling, this 'shame' you folks speak of.

its a man wall

Yeah, so I think that everyone I know including all my current and future roommates need to purchase one of these asap.

Features Include:

• 52″ Vizio Flat Panel LCD HDTV
• 2 – 26″ Vizio Flat Panel LCD HDTVs
• 1200 watt Panasonic 5.1 Home Theater System
• DVD player with 5-CD changer
• iPod docking station
• 2 – Wireless surround sound speakers
• Live 7-foot sports ticker with built-in computer
• 1 year free service for sport’s ticker
• Full-size built-in beer refrigerated beer keg with tap
• 1000 watt microwave oven
• 2 cigar humidors (holds 25 cigars each) complete with gauges
• 32-bottle wine rack

[HT Sterno]

FACE

I have a few friends hailing from Boston (actually Newton, MA and one chump from fucking New Hampshire) who can be, shockingly, occasionally obnoxious when discussing the 2nd highest payroll in baseball, aka the BoSawwks.

From the land of Crabcakes and Football, we would like to give you fuckers a huge F-U having handed Beantown the worst loss of the Terry Francona era. Up 10-1 in the 7th inning, the Sox were sitting pretty and warming up the bus (I assume they ride a bus). Unfortunately, the O's had other plans, scoring 10 unanswered runs and handing the Bo Sox their worst lead-blow (ed: totally a noun) since 1989.

Three words come to mind: Total facial, LaFleur!

behavioral econ lecture of the week