See you at the crossroads

Tomorrow I'll be giving thanks for the fact that I got to witness the short yet brilliant career of my favorite athlete of all time, one Sean Michael Taylor. His life was tragically cut short one year ago Thursday and much better writers than I have penned very eloquent tributes to arguably the hardest hitting player of all time.



He will be enshrined in the Redskins Ring of Fame this Sunday at FedEx Field.

We still miss you 21.

what goes around . . .

You know, I haven't blogged enough about huge fucking scumbag Boris Becker. He's in the news today since his fiancee dumped his old ass via text.

Before your worry too much about Mr Becker, please keep in mind:

His fiancee is actually the daughter of Mr Becker's now deceased former manager.

He has known her since she was an infant (I guess they met when he was 15 and she was 0). So he watched this little girl grow up, then once it was legally permissible, began boning her.

His previous marriage ended tragically after he conceived a child with another woman in a broom closest.

He allegedly left his previous wife via text message.

Ironic? Yes, I think this qualifies.

"the monkey is in the basketball"

I used to love Law and Order before it got drunk at a party and had like 6 kids, each more retarded than the next. Here is another expertly written and acted clip from Special Victims Unit (apparently monkeys qualify as 'special victims'):



Thankfully, no one watches a show this fucking retarded. Oh wait.

Bo Knows Realistic Performances.

Possibly the greatest athlete of all time, Bo Jackson, immortalized via the brain trust at Nintendo.



In addition to dominating the video game world, Bo managed to star in one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons, the ProStars. They helped save the world several times in 1991, before MJ developed into a franchise ruining gambling addict.

hardpeaches style random video.

Enjoy this Kanye remix accompanied by an awesome movie clip medley.

Hail Victory

Big win for my boys yesterday as JZ went back out to Seattle where he did some shit back in the day, and beat his former mentor (who looks very, very walrus like). Bad day for walrus-like NFL head coaches.

Mr Portis (who my Dad thinks is too talkative) proved that despite a sore knee, he has earned the right to talk as much as he goddamn wants.

Thank you to FOX for giving us the following detailed info (via an on screen graphic midway through the game):
Clinton Portis is
-the complete back
-as tough as they come
-one more generic observation that looks ridiculous presented in this format

Hail to the Redskins.

Not Betts though. That guy almost fucking blew it with an unsurprising fumble.

Fucking tickets

Got another $100 parking ticket this morning. I'm not a mathlete or anything, but I think I have spent about $456,983 on parking tickets this year. In related news, this happened:

Notorious

I recently had the pleasure of meeting one of the stars of my all time favorite show, The Wire. Needless to say, Anwan Glover is a huge fucking beast; please mark you calendar/blackberry/iphone for the release of his upcoming movie (he plays this dude):

Shocker: Ms Palin has made another glaring gaffe

Looks like the worst running mate ever is still getting (and possibly ignoring) advice from her moron staffers:




In an odd bit of political theater, Governor Palin took part in the tradition of pardoning a turkey in the days leading up to Thanksgiving. Following the event, Palin did a brief interview.

As she spoke with the reporter, just a few feet behind her, one of the men working on the farm slaughtered a fucking turkey on camera.

According to MSNBC, a photographer asked Governor Palin if she wanted to find a different location to shoot, but McCain's former running mate simply said, "No worries."

Get off your butt

Kindergarden Cop chimes in on the auto bailout being discussed two miles from my office. We both agree that the burdensome labor contracts raising costs relative to the Big Three's competitors need to be TERMINATED:


Note to all you people who are failing at your jobs: When asking for a fucking handout, try to be show some humility and do not arrive via private jet. Even the bum on the corner respects this rule.

numbers don't lie

Beast ass article in the NYT today about America's systematic infrastructure problems. It doesn't need to mention this disaster to show how fucked up things are. The key problem seems to stem from the fact that our dollars are allocated without any real data driven analysis.

"Right now, federal funds typically aren’t tied to tangible goals, like how much a new road would reduce traffic or how much a new train line would reduce carbon emissions and oil imports. Much of the time, the government doesn’t even collect this sort of information."

Hopefully the incoming administration can work to resolve this problem and actually require legit cost benefit analysis before writing huge checks. As we have seen, our current system is clearly spending money in inefficient ways (as governments are prone to do).

2-7 here we come!

Haven't devoted too much time to the Wizards on the CL, but since they're about to turn the corner to tonight, moving to an awe inspiring 2-7 on the season, there is no time like the present.

How does a team that makes the playoffs go 1-7 in their first 8 games you ask? Well, like most incredibly complex questions, this doozy really has many causes.

One - we were never that great to begin with. Keep in mind we have not won more than 45 regular season games (playing in the less than competitive Eastern Conference) since 1979. Not good.

Two - out best scorer is out again with his 3rd knee surgery.

Three - Brendan Haywood decided to stop playing like a huge pussy in 2007 and had a career year. He is currently out until Feb with a broken wrist.

I'm going to stop there, even though there are many more reasons for our blowing of goats in 2008. Let's talk about how money our future is:

This kid is fucking legit.

So is this one.

So don't everybody get all freaked out when we are fucking sweet. Eventually. Maybe. Good god please start winning you a-holes.

UPDATE: Even though my man Tuff Juice dropped 32, we are now 1-8. Fuck me.

Time is going by really really really slooowwwww

Apparently some cop confiscated some stoner's stash, then ate it, then freaked the fuck out.



He sounds like a total square, man.

freakin awesome!!

Get to know my man Carl; He don't need no instructions, to know how to rock.

Carl ATHF clips

Heads up

"Brasky, love the new blog; but come on, can we get some more balls to the face action (large pause)?"

Ask and you shall receive:

Good night, sweet prince.

One of my favorite blogs ever is packing it in (pause). The guys from FireJoeMorgan recently did an interview with Wil Leitch (former editor of Deadspin).

As Alan says, "Shockingly, pseudo-sabermetric baseball journalism metacriticism may not be an infinitely sustainable comedy premise." Ironically, Joe Morgan himself will likely never comprehend the previous sentence.

Even though I am not really a baseball fan (I do live with a couple of them though), I loved this blog's witty sarcasm and piercing criticism of ignorant commentary.

Awesome fact - the main dude from FJM is the same dude who plays Mose Schrute on The Office.

People named Spears are not smart.

Yikes. Heard this on the radio this morning. Like the DJ who was relaying the story, my first thought was "how does someone this stupid even get $400,000"?

I really think that stories like this illustrate why we as a nation are in such a financial crisis which has its roots in the so called sub-prime meltdown: there are a shit load of dumb ass people in our nation who want to get get rich quick. They want this easy road to riches so badly that they believe in its existence.

Well here you go countrymen, the big fucking secret to getting rich quick:

Invent something like the pet rock. Or Microsoft.

Michael: I don't think the pet rock was really such a good idea.
Tom: The guy made a million dollars!

My personal favorite way to easy money is selling books about how to make easy money.

Wow

Kinda ok catch. maybe.

Schafe, this is actually my blog.

A friend of mine (initials A.S.) doesn't believe that I am writing this blog.

The pic on the left will hopefully clear things up. Also, its a delicious beverage that I encourage you to enjoy en masse.

Enjoy your Monday evening drinking cheap beer and watching Tony Kornheiser stumble through another painful MNF broadcast.

And root for Beast Mode.

That right, put in work

When I meet new people, they inevitably ask what I do. Usually I spout off some BS using my extensive financial vocabulary while ensuring to mix in some semi-altruistic tilt so they don't think I'm just another iBanking douche bag who is somehow getting undeservedly rich, blah blah blah. Poop.

Someone once said that a picture is worth 1,000 words; using some impeccable deductive reasoning, a video is thus worth close to a gazillion words.

Here is what my typical day at the office looks like (after the 15 sec ad):

Philly

As a huge Redskins fan, I naturally dislike the weak ass city of brotherly love (current Lombardi trophies: 0). However I spent the weekend (one drunken night) there and I have to say its not all that shitty. I may not be allowed back in certain establishments for very good reasons but all in all it was a pretty bitchin' trip.

You know the drill:

Their baseball team is kind of good right now.

Ben Franklin lived there and was pretty beast at inventing shit.

The Roots are from there and refer to it as Illadelph.

They have mad historic shit everywhere, which is cool since I think America is fucking sweet and you won't find shit like that in lame ass places like where your mom lives.

Bamma of the week.

To me these next two months are the best in sports. The NFL is in full swing, college football is gearing up for the shit storm that is the BCS, and both the NBA and college hoops are getting moving. What better time to joan on arguably the biggest bamma of the last five years, one JJ Reddick. Here is the best article I've ever read on him.

Some things you should know about JJ:

He and I have started the exact same number of NBA games so far even though he was drafted 11th overall and the security people at Verizon chase me off the court when I get into layup lines during warmups.

He wears a T shirt to conceal horrible backne

He almost cleverly avoided getting a DUI by pulling an illegal U turn when he saw cops, but then failed in this ambitious endeavor.

Similar to all little bitches, he cries when he loses, which is often.

Quoting Michael Scott? Totally worth detention.

On your horse!

We used to say 'on your horse' to guys when they needed to run faster to catch up on the soccer field. See how I intro-ed seamlessly into another video of drunk people? Flawless.

This guy is a huge fucking moron.

As part of Dallas week, I will joaning a fair amount on the bamma ass cowboys. Tonight we have the pleasure of reading some of the eloquent prose of former dancing queen Emmitt Smith. He is a true man of letters, having received his degree in Public Recreation from the University of Florida in 1996. This rigorous academic preparation would allow Mr Smith to rise to join an elite group of highly articulate on air analysts.

Here we go:

On Bill Parcell's being hired to run the Dolphins: "He's goin change how the front office even think."

On leadership:
"He's giving them all the confidences they need... he giving them the confidence that he need."

On perception:
"The way you perform make them feel about you different."

On press coverage:
"Why doesn't... don't the defensive players put their hands on Randy Moss? Don't back back."

On convicted felon Mike Vick:
"He has a chance to correct those things once he come back outside."

DUI? DUI.

Don't judge this man who has apparently extreme balance problems.

Steve Holt!!

Amazing news today. The AD movie is on like a motherfucker. This comes on the heels of the sequel to Boondock Saints announced recently. If you think Hollywood is reading my mind, then that makes two of us.

That just happened

Tough day for blogging as I have a ton of work I should be doing right now. Please enjoy the following video while I attempt to not procrastinate:



My favorite part is how awkward everyone gets after Joe drops the bomb. White people, they are reliably awkward.

Whoops!

Looks like that Botox infused loud mouth asshat of a clown Mr Jerry Jones is feeling the pinch of the credit markets.

Dagger.

Here are a couple savvy financial tips I can offer:

1. When estimating the cost of a new stadium (and receiving huge subsidies), don't be off by $550,000,000.

2. When making an investment with public money that will cost over a billion dollars, you might want to find a way to hedge your interest rate risk.

You can't expect a billionaire mogul from Texas to understand concepts taught in undergraduate finance. Or even realize that he should employ someone who is not a total doofus.

In an unrelated matter, Dallas currently is in last place and has a 2.50% chance of making the playoffs, where they have not won a game since DeMarcus Ware was 14 years old.

Fuck this noise

Our supposedly well educated current lame duck president has decided that his administration is apparently not finished completely fucking over the electorate. They are attempting to pass through some weak ass 11th hour legislation to further ban internet poker.

My problem here is that prohibition of activities deemed unwholesome by a minority of taxpayers does not benefit our country in an efficient way. We can point to a pretty strong example in 1920. When we banned booze, which lawmakers deemed a social ill at the time, it simply created numerous black markets in alcohol and transferred profits on the sales of booze to those willing to break the law. Now that booze is legal to sell, it is highly regulated (I can't even get a beer in the 4th quarter of a ball game) and generates substantial tax revenues that we need very badly these days.

In addition, banning gambling will be very costly as we will need to pay for all the enforcement costs incurred (identifying, prosecuting and incarcerating offenders).

Gambling is only a problem for those that choose to abuse it. Just like booze. Or tobacco. Or cars. Or any of the freedoms that we enjoy in a free nation.

Robots in disguise.

Yeah, they're pretty much everywhere.

Graph of the day.

It's the economy, stupid.

Times are tough out there. Unemployment is rising, houses aren't selling and even the morons from Detroit are looking for handouts.

If you happen to find yourself short on cash, get creative and try something like this.

Skins sign former Pro Bowler who sucks.

I hate it when we sign guys who used to be good, but now suck. Like this dickhead. Quick background on Mr. DeAngelo Hall:

He was a very fast person when he was younger
He and good friend Mike Vick enjoy wholesome pitbull related activities
He was cut by the Raiders
He is a fucking douche
He fucking sucks

Our newest Redskin was drafted really high (8th overall) to Atlanta. He would go on to become over-hyped due to his track speed and make a couple pro-bowls. I say over hyped since like an Irishman at the beach, he can't stop getting burned.

On the upside, we have invested "only" 492k (for 7 games). Hopefully he will not earn a long term deal from our very disciplined front office in that short time span.

I also hope that 33 year old Sean Springs actually finds his way off the couch and on onto the field.

Pic of the day.

The funny thing is, I am about 98% sure that this was actually done by my good friend who may or may not have attended school in Canada. If this isn't his work, then someone is egregiously ripping off his style.

Break yourself, fool!

Tomorrow I am paying for the privilege to run around in the woods of Leesburg, VA avoiding high speed projectiles (about 200mph). Kinda of like this guy, except with less padding and no wages.

Psyc! I am totally gonna light up any bamma that steps to me. Kinda like Omar, only slightly . . . no fuck that, exactly like Omar (ok, without the gay part).

I've never played before, but just the chance of seeing the below scenario play out is worth it:
If a player’s mask falls off during a game, he should immediately lie face down on the ground, and yell "Mask!" or "Goggles!" to alert game officials and other players to discontinue play until the player is able to replace their goggles.

"Goggles!!!"

This kid will go far.

Great pizza commercial or greatest pizza commercial of all time?

You decide.

Big spenders.

It tends to bother me when poorly informed fans or sports writers mention the fact that the Redskins spend sooo much money; occasionally they even liken us to the highest payroll team in America, the Yankees.

Some quick facts to bring up when you hear some moron making this 'argument'

1. In the NFL, there is a hard salary cap, meaning all teams can 'only' spend 116,729,000 per year on Player Salaries. Even though teams like though the Skins and Giants play in large, affluent markets and thus generate much more revenue than small market teams (such as the Cincinnati Bengals) we have the same limit to how much we can pay our players.

The MLB has no such cap which makes it all the more impressive when a small payroll team like the Rays ($44M) reach the World Series and win more games than the much higher salaried Yanks ($209M) and Sox ($133M).

2. The Redskins are noticeably absent from the following list; meaning we do not employ a single player in the top 20 highest paid players.

Bottom line: there exists a difference between what a team earns (revenue) and what they spend on player's (payroll expense). Please do not confuse the two when talking about teams subject to a hard salary cap (see addition reading for more salary cap goodness).

What out for this guy!

My friend Mr Harris (nee Clifford) appears to have some ill intentions regarding your female companions out there. Forewarned is forearmed, my friends.

I'll take "s" words for $500 Alex.

Don't sleep on swords. Literally or metaphorically. Either is a bad move.

party time

So apparently the majority black (55%) majority democratic (93%) city in which I reside had some reason to celebrate last night.



Congrats to Obama; he is smoother than you regardless of how smooth you are.

Hopefully his remarkable intellect and open-minded attitude will turn things around (and encourage investments in human capital), since the last bozo we put in the White House kind of fucked up if you ask me. Or America.

Kings.

This morning I woke up from a crazy nightmare were a vampire bit me, a fucking vampire! I think I dreamt this since I've been listening to this song a good amount (its about a vampire). Its called Closer by Kings of Leon and its fucking money.



Couple quick facts about the Kings:
-They claim that their music was influenced equally by their religious upbringing and Jack Daniel's.
-they have a fair amount of street cred
-Rolling Stone is a fan

Their latest album has achieved the coveted "beast" rating on my now very, very famous rating scale.

Dear Mr Carter

Well the Steelers and their fans came to town and earned a good old Joe Gibbs style, hard fought victory over the Skins on MNF. Where can I turn to ease my pain during these rough moments of the volatile NFL season? The best rapper alive does not disappoint with his latest missive.

Weezy F is at it again. A quick excerpt:

T.O. still looks like he's about to cry. It's getting ugly in Dallas, man. They're in last place now in their division? This is a disaster.

Does life get any better than Lil Wayne joaning on the bamma ass Cowboys? I submit that it does not!

Enjoy all the "analysis"

This evening I, like many fellow Americans, will be attending an Election Party/Hope the Guy We Support Gets Favorable Results in Incredibly Unreliable Exit Polls

Can't wait.


Enjoy the night, back to work.

Best beet farmer in Scranton

Today I would normally be watching football all day. However, since my Skins aren't playing until Monday night, I have the whole afternoon to hang out and blog.

Unfortunately, this crew of smokin' hot chicks just called and want to come play Thunderball (greatest drinking game ever; very fucking intense) at my mansion. Its a rough life I lead.

So here you have some entertainment while I'm off raging: